{Scobey Photography} This picture is so us. We are both cracking up; certainly far from supermodels but we are enjoying the moment.
Inspiration.
That is what wedding blogs are for. To provide you with a daily dose of inspiration through real weddings, engagements, styled shoots, and DIY how-tos. But after looking at picture after picture it’s hard to see all of these things without thinking “I wish I looked like that” “There is no way I can afford that” “My wedding won’t be as pretty” “I’m never going to be a size 0 bride” and lately, “Do we look as in love as those two?”
The last one has resonated with me a lot lately. Pat and I are not showy people. We are not big PDA peeps, we are very private when it comes to that. We hold hands, we have our own moments. He didn’t cry when I came down the aisle, I was looking all over the place trying not to trip and fall, so all of these expectations set forth by photos I’ve seen elsewhere didn’t necessarily happen. But it’s OK! I have to remind myself from time to time that these pictures we see and oogle over are other people’s weddings. Their personalities, their traditions. So what if we didn’t bawl at the altar, or I didn’t look super cute jumping up and down after we said “I do.” What I’ve learned is that once your wedding day comes, you need to let go of other people’s images from your mind and focus on what is happening at the moment. Give your photographer a list of photos you want, give your planner/designer your vision beforehand. Don’t get bogged down with trying to live up to every expectation you’ve conjured up in your head after browsing the millions of wedding blogs out there. Let other people take care of the details on the day and just be you. Enjoy each second. Don’t let the images you’ve seen on wedding blogs make you feel inadequate, or unpretty (is that a word?), or like your wedding isn’t good enough.
Remember what it was like when you would daydream for what seemed like hours on end about how he would propose, what your dress would look like, what the day would be like? Those daydreams could make a bad day a perfect day in an instant, giving me a mini escape from reality to think about the endless happiness that would ensue after he put that shiny ring on my finger. When you feel yourself seeing these images that bring on that pang of jealousy, turn it around and either a) see what you can take from it to incorporate in to your day if it’s a cool idea you want to try or b) just let it go, and be happy for that couple, leave a comment and show them some love. If you can pull yourself back to earth to enjoy the process, you’ll be a much happier bride when you say I do.
So what do you think? Do you agree? Have you found a way to avoid the inspiration overload?
Agreed!! Kyle and I are much like you in terms of PDA. Neither of us cried, I don’t even remember looking at him while I walked down the aisle as I was FREAKING out. I was more excited to have everyone not starring at me than I was that we just got married! Our First Look photos aren’t as sweet and emotional as some but again they are us and that is what matters!
Um, I could not agree more!!!!!! It’s so hard not to get overwhelmed by all if the things you seein wedding blogs. You see pictures and you get so caught up in other people’s weddings that you forget yours is happening. You forget to focus on your day because your too busy freaking out that it doesn’t match the one you saw on SMP before. You just have to focus on living in your moment.
Hear, hear!
Oh my goodness what a perfect post. The second we stop comparing ourselves to others is the very moment we start to enjoy who we are!
La la LOOOOVE this post! As a new bride-to-be, this is such important advice. It really can be quite overwhelming with so many details, ideas and inspiration hitting me on a daily basis with magazines, pictures, and blogs, but I made a vision board to keep me focused!
Couldn’t have said it better myself - this is so true and so important to keep in mind. Thanks for sharing, Jacin - and this pic of you guys is gorgeous!
Beautifully said! It’s about the couple and the moments throughout the day. The fuss and everything else is just icing on the cake and Whether the icing is thick or thin, it’s still delectable!
Jacin, this is wonderful. John, while the world’s biggest softie when we were alone, will clam up in front of a camera-and that’s going to be okay. Maybe we won’t have a picture perfect wedding, but with luck and hard work, the strong marriage we’ll enjoy will be so much more important.
That is what matters Lena…. So agree with you!
Love this. Fabulous advice. Blogs are there to stretch your creative mind. No matter what, your wedding will be beautiful and fabulous, just because of the marriage that is taking place.
Love this post and I wish every bride could read this!
Wedding magazines made me feel this way when we got engaged. It actually prompted me to start my own blog based around the {commercial expectation of what your wedding will feel like} vs. {experiencing it as a real life experience.} Weddings, funerals and iPod playlists are all much too personal to compare to others’. You don’t live like others so why would their personal celebrations be like yours?
Rock and roll, sista.
PS: Totes makin’ blackberry jam w/ your recipe when the pink babies turn purple!
Well said, my dear! At times it was very over whelming and all I could think of was shoot, I booked all my vendors WAY before I was basically knocked off my chair with all the beauty and inspiration online. I was super nervous to get all my pics and video back, they ended up so very US and that’s what matters!
SUCH good advice, and much needed. Thank you. I will be keeping this in mind as our day approaches soon!
Hi Jacin,
I love that photo of you and your man, it’s so natural! But I guess that the thing about photos… I could look at a photo and think it’s gorgeous while the bride in the photo looks at the same picture thinks it could’ve been better.
I also worried about our photos and our wedding decor. I too had stalked so many wedding sites and had all these lofty ideas. But a few weeks before the wedding, when those nerves had kicked in, I prayed about it and God told me, “let the big things move you.” Suddenly, as if someone had flipped a switch in my brain, I was calm.
I stopped obsessing over the details and when I walked down that aisle, all I saw was my man and felt the love of the family and friends around us. We had so much fun, partied the night away and I while I might think, ‘Girl, you could’ve sucked in your tummy there!’ overall I’m happy with our pictures and even happier that we said ‘I do.’
I LOVE looking at wedding blogs online (talk about inspiration overload!), but I am also very practical about things. If I like something I can’t afford, I hunt around for a cheaper alternative or try making it myself. If both option fail then I move on. Comparing ourselves to some of these couples who have amazing looking weddings would probably drive me crazy. At the end of the day, as long as I get to marry Joe, the rest of the stuff isn’t that important.
Great read! I’m so over all these ridiculous styled details - I find myself rolling my eyes more and more. Not the lovely DIY that adds charm and loveliness but the total “pretense” that now seems to be part of creating a wedding show. Stacks of French vintage books but you’ve never been to France and certainly don’t speak more French than “baguette”? Reality check ladies!!
Something every Bride or Newlywed needs to hear!
As the clock winds down on my planning and I am almost officially entering freak out mode, thanks for reminding me that the details of our wedding our meant to reflect us and I believe they will! Doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks! =) Thanks for posting this Jacin!!
Your wedding was beyond amazing, and it was absolutely full of love and it felt so you and Mark… I think we tend to forget the point of the wedding day: starting a marriage not an online contest for most beautiful cake topper! xo :)
AMEN! As much as I wish had known about blogs when I was planning my wedding, it’s for these reasons that I’m secretly glad I didn’t know! I’m glad I didn’t have all the pressure of having to do things the “blog way”! :)
:) so very true. always important to remember that YOUr wedding is about YOU. (& i mean the 2 of you)
Great advice from a real bride who’s been there and done that. I totally agree. It’s about your own special day not everyone else’s. If you constantly try to make comparisons you will only feel inadequate and lose all the joy that you should be feeling instead.
I never knew I would be jealous until after I got married and started blogging. After seeing so much I started to get bogged down wishing I could have a do over. I kept wishing for more details that I didn’t have and shots that I didn’t get. Then the more I blogged I started to realize that I am in love with the essence of weddings. I love my wedding no matter what because it was a day I longed for and was so blessed to have! (I even got past my fear of featuring my own wedding on my blog and finally did it!)
Oh girl, we are totally sister bloggers. Well said! Staying grounded in what really matters is the biggest gift you could give to yourself and your partner.
Great post! It is truly difficult to remember just how important being authentic is.
Such great thoughts and advice. Thanks for sharing:o)
what a wonderful and important post, Jacin! Thank you for writing something so heartfelt and poignant! xoxo
Very much agreed!!! I do sometimes feel inadequate by reading other blogs..but we are the couple that we are and thats what makes us us! Thanks for a great post!!
LOVE this post, Jacin — and while I’m single, and never been married — I can TOTALLY relate on a sorta-similar level…and that IS the Photographer’s level. I don’t (and can’t) sit here and go through EVERY Photographer’s Blog + Site because it WILL start to influence ME and what IM thinking in terms of what to capture and how to capture it. I’ll start to (and have previously caught myself) asking VERY similar questions that you’ve mentioned above. And that’s when I need to stop…and remind myself that it comes back to ME and how *I* operate. The same applies for Brides & Grooms — remember it’s YOUR day. So if “Vintage” isn’t YOUR thing — who cares that there’s a thousand blog posts on it? Do you. BE YOU. And at the end of the day…it’ll all be the way it was meant to. :)
WOW! You hit home for so many with this post. I am the first to admit my obsession with over-the-top wedding features, as well as my passion for the smallest of details (some would call insignificant) haha! But it is so important to be reminded of the importance of your wedding and to enjoy each second, it is easy to get caught up in the flowers and ribbons! Thank you for sharing :)
-Tori@honeybeeinvites
I couldn’t agree and relate more! My husband didn’t shed a tear either, but that didn’t phase me. Do what you want and feel fits you as a couple, and don’t fuss with what others think “might” be you. Well said, Jacin! This post is a little “what to expect when you’re expecting” to walk down the aisle!
Another Amen to you, Ms. Jacin… And confession: Sometimes I’m in that mindset when reviewing Real Wedding submissions, and I have to snap out of it and really just lose myself in the wedding, for the pure, simple love those images are meant to convey. Not until I lose myself in a wedding do I truly appreciate it for everything that it is!
very great and very needed post! this is an important reminder and reality check I think we all need, you are such an inspiration :)
Indeed, let your feelings show your true emotions. enjoy the moment wedding is a very solemn event, and don’t let your worries overcome your happinnes let the people around you do the things for you. nice post!
Well said, Jacin! I couldn’t agree more. I hope that brides will take this advice to heart. :)
This is a great post and great ideas. I always tell my Bride’s that it’s their day. Don’t worry about all the stuff they see on wedding shows/on blogs…take inspiration yes, but don’t feel like you have to HAVE IT ALL! Tell your story, your way!
perfect advice, thank you
I think the title of this post says it all. I cannot encourage this enough with my couples and readers. Don’t feel like you have to “size up” your wedding to another. Don’t fret over budget. Use details that are meaningful and important, and your wedding will be beautiful regardless because people will see the LOVE and the meaning in every single photograph. That is what makes a pretty wedding.
Fantastic post. I definitely need to remind myself of this - it’s so easy to get wrapped up and enmeshed in all the inspiration and wedding blogs/sites out there. I keep telling myself.. who cares what other people think? It’s about US.
So true!!! :) It’s so important to remember that the wedding is about the bride and groom, and that’s why it will be perfect. Because it’s about the couple! :)
“You need to let go of other people’s images” - love that.
LOVE this post! I remember seeing the title in my reader awhile back and not having time to read it at that moment… So I had to come back and look for it! But so glad I did. When I was planning my wedding, there was more than a time or two that I thought this will never stand up to those weddings on such and such wedding blog. And it didn’t. It was us. Which was better than as you say, someone else’s wedding anyway. :)
Yes. Yes. Yes… And well, yes again!
I agree wholeheartedly. I fell in the trap, but got out of it quickly enough to actually not really mind, care or anything. I married the most amazing person I could have wished for and we have created the best memories on the day!