Lovely Advice: It’s His Day Too {Let Him Wear the Tie He Wants}


Yep, see that tie up there? That’s the tie Pat wanted to wear on our wedding day. I don’t think I ever realized he really wanted to, because he never made a big deal out of it, but I also think my wedding-obsessed mind didn’t quite hear it. And to this day, I feel horrible about it.

See ladies, your wedding isn’t all about you. And don’t get me wrong - I swear, I didn’t think it was all about me. But in this instance, I should have listened instead of just chugging along, and paid attention to the signals being thrown my way. I thought grooms were supposed to wear white/ivory. I don’t know why - I looked it up everywhere on blogs, etc. All of his guys were wearing black, so it seemed he should stand out and match my gown. But why should I be the only one who got to love what I was wearing? In the end, he was happy with what he chose to wear, but really? That tie would have looked just perfect too. Pat was happy no matter what, but that doesn’t mean I don’t still feel bad about it. Hindsight is 20/20, right?

Make sure you’re taking the time to not only hear what your groom-to-be is saying, but listen too. You’d be amazed at how much happier the planning will be if your groom feels like his wishes are being acknowledged. Sometimes wedding brain takes over, but you just need to try and step out of the planning cloud once and a while and come back to earth - trust me, it will make you that much happier when all is said and done {and your groom will agree!} Whether it’s specific song requests, or specialty cocktails - be happy that he even wants to be involved, and enjoy the process - it’ll fly by before you know it! :)

  • Naomi says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Agggh this was so hard to do…but I did and you know what? I heard David and I listened. Best thing I did!

  • Lisa says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    OMG, I did this to my husband, too, and I will never forgive myself. We had a huge fight in the middle of Macy’s because I told him the tie he picked out was the wrong color green. Stupidest fight ever. My biggest regret about our wedding is that I didn’t listen to him about much at all.

  • Julie says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Brilliant post! It’s so true, you can absolutely be hearing them, but are you really listening? I have to admit that I would probably change a thing or two about our wedding day, but the one thing I wish I could change the most was my need to “go-go-go”. I just wanted to make sure I planned every little detail when in reality, it’s the people that make the day special, well, maybe the food and wine helped a little too! Lovely post.

  • Chelsea Patricia says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    So, so true. This definitely needed to be said! :)

  • Jessica T says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Excellent advice for brides! We all need to realize it’s not about just us. :)

  • Stephanie @ Bellissima Bride says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    I definitely needed to hear this right now. I’m 10 months out from my big day and all the details I feel I’m perfectly executing tasks off my to-do list. But, I always feel like my fiance is being unreasonable about certain things (i.e. song requests, his outfit choice, guest list drama). But, it’s a give and take. thanks for reinforcing the importance of his opinion jacin!

  • Anni says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Great post! I have a hard time with this, because Ross always asks me what I think he should wear, what looks best, etc. So it makes me feel a little pushy with things. I can never tell when he’s just genuinely not interested - like with invitation wording, he knew what he hated, but didn’t want to come up with anything - or when he’s just so used to the wedding day being all about the bride, which I hate.

  • Nicole says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Good advice. My hubs wanted tails. I said ok… he’s like but I don’t want anyone else in them. I said, ok. he’s like really? I said go for it. If that’s what you want, that’s what you can have :) Then he picked out what the guys sported :)

  • birdie to be says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Lovely post! And great advice :)

  • Brit @ Landlocked Bride says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    I said it last night, but you are so true. There were moments during my own planning where I had to step back and remind myself that this was something he wanted, and it’s perfectly okay!

  • Koru Kate {Koru Wedding} says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Wise words, Jacin!

  • Mrs. Pancakes says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    This is a great post because I think sometimes we get caught up in ourselves as the girl and her wedding! It’s important for it to be his day too!

  • Kristine {In Love, Engaged} says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    This is such great advice, Jacin. Thanks for being honest about your own experience. I really think it’s important for brides to be reminded that it’s not just *their* day and there are much more important things than ties and flowers and color palettes! Like, uh, THE MARRIAGE!! :)

  • Lena says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    What wonderful advice! John actually told me he wanted to make sure he was able to spend as much time planning as I will-I was dumbfounded, but figured I should listen up!

  • Alicia @CharityWedding says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Amen. Although I wished Kyle had had stronger preferences in general, he is SUPER laid back and did not care one bit what he wore.

  • erin * sparkle + hay says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    aaawwwwww Pat!

  • ebuywedding says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Very useful, What wonderful advice!

  • aurea @ pricewise events says on October 27, 2011 Reply

    Yes, I definitely agree with that! It’s both your wedding and if he has something to suggest on what he will wear, let him. :)

  • Cris of Kiss My Tulle says on October 28, 2011 Reply

    My groom wants to wear fishing shorts.

    So we’re doing a fishing e-sess instead.

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