Advice: Staying True to Your Vision {No Matter What Others May Say}

Scobey Photography

This was originally posted on May 10, but due to recent posts I’ve seen elsewhere, I feel the need to re-post this today in hopes that I can remind us all of this simple fact.

Confession: I have about 10 versions of this post saved in drafts. Let’s see if today I can get it right.

As in all facets of life, trends will come and go, and this is no different in the wedding world. From ruffled, textured dresses to short reception dresses to the anticipated onslaught of simple yet elegant “Kate Middleton” dresses that we will likely be seeing in the coming months. From mason jars to milk glass to candelabras to manzanita branches strung with orchids and floating tea lights. Garlands and tissue poms, bakers twine and striped barber straws. Pashminas for guests when there’s a chill in the air, dessert tables, cake pops, and late-night snacks. Vintage rentals and high-end cocktail lounges. Chiavari chairs seeming worth the extra $5/person to some people yet an unnecessary expense to others.

You get the gist of where I’m going here, right?

Over the past few months I’ve grown a bit sensitive to posts from bloggers expressing their disdain for many of the things I’ve just listed above, saying they are “getting old”. In some ways I do agree that there tends to be a lot of the same, but my response is - what do you expect when you read a million wedding blogs a day? On the contrary, in this instance, I think there is a need to separate bloggers and brides, to prevent feelings of doubt for those who are actually planning their wedding, suffering from inspiration overload, and utilizing the very items in decor that are being criticized by others.

As an avid mason jar lover and defender of these little lovelies til I’m blue in the face {get it? blue? like mason jar blue? hehe}, I tend to get a bit on the defensive side when topics of “overused trends” come up. My explanation for the masons is always that I actually use them to make homemade jam and pickles, and they remind me of my family and most importantly my beloved grandmother. But guys - the truth is, I don’t really need a reason to like masons, nor do I need a reason to stand up for them, or explain why we used them in our wedding. I could have seen them elsewhere and thought: “whoa, those are adorable, I am totally using those in my wedding.” I could also give the reason as I just listed above. Or, I could have no reason at all.

My point is this: You don’t need a reason to explain anything about your wedding day decor, fashion, music, etc. Go ahead! Use burlap and masons and take pictures in front of a barn, or dance the night away at your chandelier-lit ballroom black tie affair, or listen to the tunes of a steel drum band for your simple seaside ceremony followed by a grand exit surrounded by sparklers… It is your day - something that may very well exemplify who the two of you are as a couple… or may come out of left field and just be a pretty party full of things you two just happen to like. Always take the inspiration and opinions you come across with a tiny grain of salt, and remember that when it’s all said and done, as long as the two of you said “I do”, the rest will remain just lovely little details. And even if you include no details at all, as long as you have each other, the rest really isn’t important, is it?

  • Therese says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    LOVELY post Jacin!! I couldn’t agree more and couldn’t have said it any better. We have our own personalities and style- so should our wedding day. Follow the trends for the sake of it and it’s nothing more than an expensive show for your guests. Pick details you love, and it will be a priceless memorable affair.

  • kristi says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for this post!!!! I could not agree with you more. Perfectly said!


  • Jenna says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    I LOVE mason jars… and I agree… I dont care how used up the trend is… they will be at my wedding…Love the post! Stay true to yourself!

  • Courtney says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    I appreciate this post. I have seen a lot of “haters” on certain trends recently and it’s funny to me. Coming from a small town, we don’t see a lot of trends especially in the wedding industry. (My mom about flipped out when I said I wanted my maids to look a bit different.) I’m using props and antique furniture at my wedding because that’s what I love and that’s who I am, not because a bunch of bloggers are pushing the trend. My wedding in my little town is going to be the first to try this new-to-us way of having a wedding. And while the haters may call me a copycat, I’ll be a trendsetter in east-central Indiana. ;)

  • Kat @ Living Like the Kings says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Hey! I saw your comment on Love is Everywhere - I’m in Madison, CT! Small world ;) Too bad you can’t join us for the CT Bloggers meet up

  • Morissa @ Livinglovelyblg says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Agree 100%! PS I love mason jars too. Still trying to decide how to incorporate them into my wedding. I thought having the white tent at the Newport Yachting Center would be easy, but picking decor is more difficult than I thought!

  • Sandra Downie says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Oh how true Jacin! Thank you for shouting this out! XO

  • Jessica says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Well said! As long as someone is using a central item or theme because they want to, and not just because it’s what they’ve been overloaded with…then who can argue with that?

  • erin * sparkle & hay says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    you know i am right there with you on this. it’s not about the trends - your wedding day is about YOU - it’s YOUR day and you should do what YOU want and Celebrate this joyous occasion YOUR way! (however it may be!) :)

  • Brooke @ Bright Wishes says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    This is such a great post!! I like not having to explain why I’m doing things for my wedding, I just want to do it and you’re gonna like it ya know? haha

  • HiLLjO says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    I SO agree with you. A wedding is simply too personal to say negative things about. People should plan their weddings with whatever they like, be it burlap and mason jars like you said, or damask and orchids.

    I also feel this way about cost of a wedding. It’s simply too personal to air out and have people comment on. That is just no one’s business!

  • Laura @ Wine and Cheese, Please says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    I totally agree. There are a lot of things that I didn’t want in our wedding, but I’m not going to put someone else down for using something that I personally don’t like. It’s a matter of taste, and if someone likes something then by all means they should put it in THEIR wedding because it’s THEIR wedding :)

  • Chandra ~ Oh Lovely Day says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Totally agree! As we’ve discussed, we have similar likes and wedding styles, and that style belongs to a lot of girls regardless of the wedding trends! It just so happened that some things we loved got trendy- does that mean we can’t love them anymore. Heck no! I care less about wedding trends being overdone than stylled photos being overdone (like I am really over fake mustache photos) and if a bride wants a barn wedding or mason jars then she should get them. It is her freaking wedding, not the blogosphere’s. Great post!

  • SandyToesBride says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    THANK YOU Jacin for this post. It comes at a time that I most need it. You are amazing as always!

  • Kamie says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Definetly hit the nail on the head here! If we tried to stay with all of the current trends then really we should only be planning our wedding one month in advance-ahh! This may be cheesy but all of the little details incorporated into your day should really and truly be about you and your fiance and reflect the both of you. I am in love with my tiny details and would not change them for the latest trend at all!

  • Kamie says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    P.S. I love your new sister site- too cute!

  • Jill@TeenageBride says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    great post! Every bride is entitled to their own vision for their weddign day. What one bride may like, another may not…. but they have the right to choose.

    Personally, I think that a brides personality and individual decor choices are what make weddings so fun!

  • Lisa says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Awesome post, Jacin!! All those details are used a lot because they’re beautiful, and no two weddings are ever the same! I’m sure a ton of brides are going to be so reassured when they read this :) Hope you’re doing well!

  • postcards and pretties says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    so so true Jacin! Great post

  • I absolutely LOVE this post! It’s so important to remember that the wedding is the couple’s day! It doesn’t matter what people think of the choices in flowers, music, food or anything else that the couple picked, as long as the couple loved it!

    Thanks for writing about this! :)

  • Miss Puppy Love says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    With my wedding in 30 days, I really needed this! I started to fall prey to self-doubt over my decisions. Thanks for a great post!

  • Alicia@CharityWedding says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Agreed! It is not the job of bloggers to pass judgement on other people’s weddings or ideas. Blogs are there for inspiration not to make people feel bad about their weddings. To them they only have one and the so called trends or overused items are fresh and new to them. The golden rule seems to ring true here as well! Long live burlap!

  • Alia says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Perfectly put! <3

  • Claire says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    You know you’re brilliant, right?
    But I agree with all of these points and you put them so elegantly. It’s your life, your wedding, your dreams, no one can tell you it’s right or wrong. I think with this day in age it’s easy to pass judgement with all of the blogs, inspiration things we see, we just have to rise above it. Imagine how you would feel if you knew someone was saying that about you? It goes back to the old adage, put yourself in their shoes.

    I think so many brides now are SO overwhelmed with all of the weddings/things they see everywhere that they try to one-up the next and try to feature things that aren’t representative of who they are just so their wedding is shown on a blog as being “it” or different. Trust me, I felt like that too. Until I finally had to go “you know what Claire? This isn’t about anyone else but you and El. And if your wedding doesn’t show up anywhere, it’s not the end of the world. Because this day is always and will always be about you and elliot.”

    So I went off a bit, but yay! Love you.

  • Kirby {Colors of Honey} says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    perfectly said! many people have chimed in during the planning of my wedding with ideas for everything, and many of them lovely, but many of them just not right for our wedding. there are so many ideas and trends out there that brides and bloggers alike need to be reminded that a wedding is all about the couple and the things that are important to them and things that describe them. i love looking at real weddings and knowing exactly what their personalities are. that is how you should plan a wedding and that is how you should pick your details!


  • Koru Kate says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    LOVE this post! Brides should always follow their heart without worry of whether their likes are trendy or not. I nearly died when one of my Brides was told by a florist that her red, black & white color scheme was dated & overdone. Those of us in the wedding industry should be there to support Brides’ decisions & make them happen- not judge them.

  • Nicole says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Very nicely put! Although I’m with you, I don’t believe you have to defend anything about your own wedding! Or even nag at other people’s wedding. just like they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder :)

  • Satra says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    so true!! thank you for sharing :)

  • Sarah says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    This is so true! The thing I hate about blogging is the feelings of doubt that they cause. Spend a couple hours a week (or, if your me, many hours every night!) on blogs and you start feeling like you’re back in high school desperately trying to fit in with the cool crowd. And we all know how much we wish that we could tell our 16yr old selves to just be themselves.

  • Naomi says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    I must say I agree 100000%. I am not one to give rats a$$ about what others think in general…especially when it came to one of the most important days in your life. However, let us take this a step further; this holds true for life in general! DO YOU! Who cares if wearing torn up jeans is out or the latest fad is skinny jeggings…if that is not true to being YOU…who is fantastic with or without jeggings and I happen to love torn up jeans still…then do not do it. The most amazing thing about being human is that we are so unique and beautifully diverse people. To be uniquely you {before, during, and in life after your wedding day} in a sea of copycats, naysayers, and “Debbie Downers… well to me that is fearless, daring, and that is what being wonderfully you is all about. So go ahead…love your mason jars, your cupcakes, your raffia, your burlap, or your rented ghost chairs. Twenty years from now when you look back at your wedding day, you will say “Wow that was so us…” and you will never forget why. xo

  • Jen says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Well said! And let’s be honest, do most people know what’s “in” or “out” in the world of weddings anyway? My family thought a candy bar was the most amazingly brilliant idea they ever heard of. Who cares if its a 2+year old trend? I love candy! My guests get to eat candy! It’s a win-win.

  • Laura *You Stir Me* says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Well done. You know how I feel about this issue so all I’ll say is this: brides (and grooms) and anyone wanting to design a special room in their house or put together a wonderful party - do it your way and do it with love. It’ll kick butt.

  • Kate/MagnoliaRouge says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Just this weekend a friend of mine told me how she’d been to a wedding where they had a vintage typewriter for people to leave notes and ‘what a fantastic idea this was’. We’ve all seen this several times now but we have to remember that the majority of brides might just follow one or two blogs and aren’t subjected to the trends day after day like we (bloggers/wedding professionals) are. Most of the ideas that we see all too often are very fresh for the guests attending a wedding. Great post Jacin!

  • Diana says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    There will always be someone, whether it be our friends or family members, someone on the blogs, or a bride who is doing the exact opposite that won’t like what we’re doing for our own wedding, a friends wedding, or a customer’s wedding. At times it can get tough or becomes stressful, but like you said it Jacin…there doesnt have to be a reason for what we’re doing, its what we like and we should stick to it!

    Great post love! <3

  • Lena says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    Darling, I could not love this post more. Planning your wedding should always, Always be about what you love, and what makes your heart pitter patter faster-whether it’s a puffy dress a la Princess Di or a small posy of lily of the valley like Kate Middleton. If your wedding makes you happy, then it’s the wedding you should have!

  • Frugalista says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    I totally agree with this post. Each wedding is unique and how it all comes together in the end depends on personal style, likes, dislikes and budgets. As long as you like what you did what everyone else thinks and does for their day is irrelevant! I Love it that the mason jar is “you.” That it represents a certain meaning for you and found a beautiful use in your wedding.

    On another note I totally should have told you I was in SF. I have this irrational fear of rejection and I was worried about “bothering” you or that you wouldn’t want to meet up. It’s probably why I have so few friends! I totally did think about you while I was there and it’s totally my bad for not reaching out. In retrospect I regret not doing so. Live and learn!

  • Jasmine says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    i love this post! i completely agree. it’s all about what works for the bride and groom… what they want and need and can afford. not necessarily what’s “in”, or the trends that are happening.

  • Lindsey Richards says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    I can’t tell you how much I appreciate this post. I’m graduating this week, getting married in July, and with all the stress that wedding planning already brings, the last thing brides need to worry about is if someone is going to like those little details that we put a lot of effort into. From everything to seating arrangements to invitation wording there are already so many small, but essential details that we have to worry about. Its those little things, like mason jars, that take my mind off the stress and will make my guests remember that special day.

  • Tiffany says on May 10, 2011 Reply

    I sooo agree!! Its your day to do and express yourself any way you want!! Great post!

  • Elizabeth {Bridal Musings} says on May 11, 2011 Reply

    Great post! Thanks for sharing, I totally agree! Weddings shouldn’t be about what’s trendy in wedding blog land they should be about what makes the bride and groom happy! x

  • Steph says on May 11, 2011 Reply

    Thank you for this :) Everything you wrote is all too true; I’ve already started to just say screw it and do what I/we want.. not what other people say is trendy or too trendy or not trendy enough. It’s silly. We’ll do what we want because we love it!

  • Steph {bubblerock} says on May 11, 2011 Reply

    You summed it up perfectly: this is about YOU and YOUR PARTNER. Do what makes YOU feel happy, makes you feel you and makes your day special. It’s not a popularity contest, it’s marriage!
    Love this post!

  • Tiana says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    This is so reassuring, and very ‘nail on the head’. In the course of wedding planning I’ve actually had pits in my stomach about some of the ideas being a bit overused and common, but I then realised that was a ridiculous feeling to have. The reality is that it’s stuff we like right now, and having only been to one wedding in my life I needed all the inspiration from other weddings I could get! Weddings are tough enough to plan without trying to ensure everything is completely original and new. I don’t see any problem with weddings following trends, just as clothing, music, technology and many other things do.

    In fact, I’ve just spied the perfect idea for table numbers at the top of this post - love it! Thanks!

  • The Perfect Palette says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Great post … and a lovely reminder. I just read the post on the Hindsight Bride. Ultimately, like you said… whatever a couple decides to do or not do is their decision and choices should be made based on what the couple likes. No one should apologize for the way they style their wedding. Because at the end of the day - years from now you will want to look back at your wedding and think “our wedding day was completely us” not… ”what was I thinking?” AND the real focus should always be the marriage itself :)

  • Christie O. {Hindsight Bride} says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Yes! That’s it. We need to separate the bloggers from the brides. I couldn’t quite put my finger on a key source of tension as of late. It’s one of those things that once you hear it, you say, “aha! yes, that’s what I was thinking exactly.”

    I’m am delighted that you said this so long ago (in blogger time) and I’m glad I found it!

  • Erin McGinn says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Jacin you are so right! It’s all about what the couple likes and what they want for their day. Great post :)

  • Brit @ Landlocked Bride says on October 26, 2011 Reply

    Amen on every level sister.

  • Kate/MagnoliaRouge says on October 27, 2011 Reply

    I agree with you 100% and so glad you wrote this. At the end of the day I don’t think anyone really forgets why they’re getting married. We all know the most important thing about the day is what you’re standing up to say and the love that surrounds you. However surely all brides are well within their right to use whatever props/trends they like at their event. How many chances does the average person get in life to style/create a day that speaks of them and the things they like… whether that be something they’ve liked for 10 years or just recently. Ten years ago there were a different set of trends seen at every wedding, it’s just that they weren’t blogged about for all to see. I hear people say ‘wow what an amazing idea using a vintage typewriter’ even though as wedding vendors/bloggers we’ve seen it umpteen times… but the average guest hasn’t seen that before so my advice to brides is simply do as you please, do want makes you and your loved one happy!

  • Kate/MagnoliaRouge says on October 27, 2011 Reply

    Ok I’ve SO just repeated myself from what I said in a previous comment… obviously I have the memory of a goldfish (no offence to gold fish intended!) At least I was consistent :-)

  • Jessica @ Birdie to be says on October 27, 2011 Reply

    Lovely post, Jacin! :)

  • Angie says on October 27, 2011 Reply

    I love this post! I don’t know why photographers and other Wedding venders think they can tell brides what to do and how to decorate their wedding day!!! I have a lot of vintage inspired brides and we have a lot that aren’t. Either way, I show up to the Wedding and support them and capture the day, no matter what details are or aren’t there.

  • Lena says on October 27, 2011 Reply

    May I add an A effing MEN to this?

  • I think you just made it onto my board of inspirational quotes! Amen!! I loved everything you had to say! I also love these 2 great quotes of this same mantra:

    Perfect words of wisdom from Stacie Francombe, Founder, Editor-In-Chief of Get Married magazine: “Planning can be stressful, but at the end of the aisle and wedding day, it’s ultimately about the love you share for one another.”

    Weddings should be about you as a couple, don’t have the wedding your sister or your best friend had, have the wedding YOU want…………..do things your way!! ‘Create the wedding you want, not the wedding you’re told to have’ Kelly of boho wedding blog

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