lovely advice: letting go of wedding expectations {after the big day}

a few weeks back, i talked about the fact that it’s OK to splurge on yourself for your wedding day by hiring that makeup artist you’ve been dying to use, because you want to look your best on your big day.

i also gave a small mention to something else: letting go. letting go of the expectations you had on the day-of, but even more importantly, letting go to those expectations long after your day has come and gone. and today i wanted to touch on that point just a bit more.

i can’t even tell you how many couples i’ve spoken with (brides mostly) who look back on their wedding day with a feeling of “i wish”, or unsettled with something that didn’t go as they’d hoped. and you know what? i had that same feeling. with my hair, with the roses that were used in some of our centerpieces despite my request for no roses, etc. but then i think about it and realize what a trivial thing to be thinking about, and i feel selfish, and bratty even. really? i’m worried about roses? how fortunate we were that we were able to have a wedding surrounded by our loved ones, and i’m sitting here annoyed that we had roses in our centerpieces? get over it!

today’s advice is simple: let go, ladies. think about the next phase of your life and the exciting times ahead. don’t continue to dwell on the things that didn’t go as planned on your big day, or how you wish you could “do it all over” so you could look perfect in your dress, or have the photographer capture that picture they forgot. don’t look at other people’s weddings and think “i wish we had that” and start planning your vow renewals so you can be featured on martha stewart this time around. to be blunt? quit complaining and move on. :) instead, remember how truly blessed you are in these crazy times, and think about the things you have to look forward to in the future. those roses won’t matter when all’s said and done, so why worry about it now?

  • Chelsea @ {twotwentyone} says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Great post, Jacin. My grandmother passed away on the morning of our wedding day. Words can’t really explain how I felt or the emotions I went through that day. I had mentally prepared myself for the possibility of a DJ error or my bouquet not being perfect, but I never prepared myself for what I encountered. However, in the end, my situation made me realize that I shouldn’t dwell on the minor things that went wrong with my wedding day. My advice to other brides is worse things can happen on your day than your bridesmaid spilling red wine on her dress before photos. So don’t sweat the small stuff. You’re totally right, we should all remember how truly blessed we are.

  • Miriam Corona says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    This is the best advice. My hubby and I also shared these feelings about some of the things that didn’t go as planned. In the end, our friends and family were there and had a great time, we enjoyed the best food and we danced the night away :) Those are the things that we will always remember.

  • Kristina says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Amen. I needed that. When I look back at our family group photos, the first words out of my mouth are always “I wish…”, simply because certain people didn’t make it in those photos who should have been in it, the photos were rushed, and certain “combinations” of family members weren’t shot. You’re right, plain and simple, we’ve got to move on. We have literally thousands of wonderfully gorgeous photos and people missing in certain family photos were captured in some other form. And for that, we’re thankful. One of THE best things we remember from our wedding day was the amazing sense of love and complete, pure happiness…When we got home the next day, as we were packing for our honeymoon, I sat down and had myself a happy, gushing cry just thinking of how indescribable our entire wedding day was. Missing photos shouldn’t cloud that feeling, ever! Thanks for this post <3

  • Emma says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Thank you for this, it is exactly what I needed to hear. I should count myself very lucky as I had two very beautiful days (European Day and Cambodian Day). Must remember this and I’m very excited about what the future holds now!

  • Brit Tucker Stewart says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Yes - don’t get so caught up in details you lose site of the purpose of a wedding - the marriage.

  • Justine says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    This is such solid advice. I used to work for a wedding magazine, and I learned pretty early on that no matter what I did, there would always be newer, cooler, and just down-right prettier ideas every year. Married women on staff used to joke that they wanted a do-over just so they could incorporate all the new ideas they saw every day. I’ve only been married for less than a year, but I still have moments when I’m like, “MAN, I wish I would have done THAT!”

    It helps to remind myself of all the NOT fun parts of wedding planning. I would never go through that again, no matter how cool somebody’s DIY photo booth is. Besides, I loved my wedding day, and nothing will change that.

  • Koru Kate ⎨Koru Wedding⎬ says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Solid advice! Sometimes I get caught up in the silly detail that my Maid of Honor’s bouquet was the wrong shade of purple. It didn’t bother me one bit on my wedding day, just afterwards looking at photos. But when I focus on my beautiful wedding & my fabulous marriage, I’m overwhelmed with gratitude!

  • Lena says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Very well said. I feel so lucky to have wedding gurus in my life to remind me of stuff like this!

  • Rachel says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Great post, I think it is important not to forget what you are celebrating and what the day itself means. Also, I have to say… I love the photobooth photo, we did that too and it is something that I don’t regret but I love those pictures, I think I cried while laughing when I saw them the first time. Good memories!

  • Little Red Purse says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Great advice! Thanks.

    xo L.

  • CC says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Very true! My one regret was not having a videographer. I felt we just didn’t have it in our budget. I tell myself that’s that. If I’d gotten it and spent an extra 1k or whatever I might have been upset about THAT! My day was lovely though and I have to remember that and just how grateful I was to even have been able to do it in the first place.

  • Keisha (with a K) says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Well put! I confess to looking at other pictures and saying “Doh! I wish. . .”

  • anya korepanova says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Hi Jacin,

    I saw your post, and I felt compelled to reply. With only 30 days to plan the wedding, I really didn’t have a whole lot of expectations, and I was very grateful to see how things turned out!
    One advice that I would give for the “brides to be” is - don’t get consumed with all of the wedding planning and worry and let the professional take care of the details. Hint hint “LLD”.

    I do managemet and planning for living, so on my wedding day it was critical for me to just trust my vendors to do what they do best. Afterwall, they are professionals.

    I honestly can say that I did have that “perfect wedding” from beginning to end and “no, I wouldn’t change anything for the world”, because in the end, it’s all about the experience, the time that you and your groom spend together, and it’s about your wedding guests, who get to a part of the wedding affair and enjoy the process. You want to hear comments from your guests saying that it was by far “the best wedding they attended”.

    Hopefully this message will inspire some brides to go ‘easy’ on their bridesmaids, grooms, planners and vendors, because in the end - “it is a one day affair” and it IS the beginning of your “Forever” as husband and wife. So cherish that and enjoy the silly wedding day imperfections, because most likely, you will have some!

  • chandra ~ Oh Lovely Day says on February 1, 2012 Reply

    Totally! I was really bummed that my hubs and I forgot to get a polaroid taken together in our photobooth. Like, I was REALLY upset. But we have 50 polaroids of our guests and the hubs and I forgot because we were on our dance floor ALL night. So…. no biggie. But that one thing bugged me for weeks, just nagging at me. I think it is because you are so consumed with the wedding that once it is over it is hard to not focus on something like that. But you’re so right. It is all about perspective isn’t it!? Hindsight and all that. Great post.

  • Jenny XOXO says on February 2, 2012 Reply

    great advice, I couldn’t agree more! I felt relieved when the wedding was over and I could relax and enjoy time with my new hubby :)


  • Elizabeth | Bridal Musings says on February 4, 2012 Reply

    Great advice ~ I totally agree. You were worried about roses & I was obsessed with this weird, wilted peony in my bouquet. Even a year and a half on I sometimes get this weird twinge of ‘I wish…’ and I have to snap myself out of it because it’s ridiculous ~ such a waste of time and energy. A classic case of first world problems!

  • Kelli says on February 5, 2012 Reply

    Sigh, thanks Jacin. This applies to me while I’m way before my wedding, and I’m sure it’ll apply to me after too.

  • Brenda's Wedding Blog says on February 7, 2012 Reply

    so true and so well said. I always say I wish we had hired a videographer. But, my childhood neighbor did videotape parts of our wedding and I will cherish that tape forever. It may not be the best footage, but it’s made with love. Now, I do need to have it transferred to a digital file though.

  • Sandra Downie @ The White Library says on February 7, 2012 Reply

    I think sometimes we all forget what weddings are really about although I wish I did have better photography back then. I just didn’t know any better.

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